EXCLUSIVE REPORT: Trinity Broadcasting Network
Run by Atheists
Officials say goal was to make Christians look
stupid
SANTA
ANA, CA – For everyone who has ever tuned into the Trinity Broadcasting
Network (TBN)—broadcast on satellite and cable systems across the
country—and thought, "This can't be serious," it turns
out you were right.
Local and federal law enforcement officials have uncovered an elaborate
scheme engineered by an atheist group and aimed at embarrassing the Christian
religion; a scheme that has been going on for nearly 30 years.
Among other startling discoveries, officials have learned that TBN—which
has claimed from the beginning to exist for the purpose of furthering God's
kingdom - was actually founded by Broadcasters Against God (BAG)—a
loosely organized faction of Hollywood atheists—in 1973 and has been
operated by the group ever since.
"We've been on this
case for years," said special federal investigator Scott Hines. "I
mean, come on. Have you ever watched this channel?"
A 250-page report released this week reveals that TBN's ridiculous-looking
sets featuring enormous purple thrones lined with ornate gold patterns and
hosts with huge hairdos and caked-on makeup were used purposely to give
bleary-eyed channel surfers a distorted view of Christianity.
"The
biggest surprise to me is that we were able to get away with it for so long,"
BAG President Wayne Mailer said in a signed confession included in the report.
"I mean, seriously, Christians were actually giving money to keep this
channel on the air! It was unbelievable."
In fact, TBN was primarily supported by viewer contributions over the years,
although officials are now taking a good, hard look at the motives behind
a series of large gifts from media mogul Ted Turner.
"I pity
the fools who gave money to this network," born again entertainer Mr.
T said upon learning of the scam. He's just one of many Christians
who unwittingly participated in the deception by making numerous appearances
on TBN.
"This is totally whack," echoed Christian music
artist Carman, another TBN regular. "Anyone who would carry on something
like this for so long needs a check up from the neck up. What the dilly?"
It's unclear what charges will be levied against BAG since there are
no laws against disingenuous programming. But one thing is almost certain—officials
have no intention of walking away from years of investigating without handing
down a conviction.
"Just putting together this kind of painful television for two decades
deserves pretty serious punishment," Hines said. "Believe me,
we're gonna make something stick."